Finding a path back from burnout
Hey there - so after about 9 months I’m (kind of) back. If you haven’t already, I highly recommend watching my YouTube video on burnout. I made this back in April when I had 4 weeks off between jobs. Since then, I’ve been pretty quiet. Only recently did I tell my partner that I felt like I wanted to want to do something. I’m not even fully wanting to do something but I’m one step away.
I will be the first to admit that I severely underestimated what burnout can do to you. I always had it in my head that burnout was something that could be “cured” by a week-long vacation. I never realized how long it could take to really recover. Which is why when I had 4 weeks off between my last job and my new one, I was ecstatic.
I slept in, went on long hikes, read books, and spent entire days with no plan and no agenda - letting myself decompress and do absolutely nothing. Yet, by the end of these 4 weeks I still didn’t feel “cured”. For context, I’m usually the kind of person where doing nothing is extremely difficult for me -I get anxious about doing nothing. So to take naps during the day and have no desire to start a new project or write another blog post was unusual to say the least.
Yet I convinced myself that my month-long break had “cured” my burnout so I eagerly started my new job - expecting myself to have that passion, intensity, and momentum that I was used to.
But between having a real summer, getting vaccinated, starting a brand new job at a new company, and feeling like there is a lot of life to catch up on living - it has been an overwhelming several months. I’d forgotten that starting somewhere new means starting my network, women in engineering impact programs, domain knowledge, the tools I use everyday from scratch. My adjustment period has felt endless.
As the weeks went on, I started to feel frustrated that I didn’t know more. It was like I was expecting myself to continue on the trajectory of my previous role. The feeling that I wasn’t doing enough coupled with the fact that I was still so tired that the thought of doing more was exhausting in and of itself led me to ask myself - why? Why am I still so tired? My answer is more simple than I realized: I’m still recovering.
9+ months later, I am still recovering.
This rambly post is really all to say that the harder you burnout the longer the recovery takes. Which is why it is so immensely important to not let yourself get burnt out in the first place. I have learned so much from my burnout experience and honestly I am still learning as I make my way back. I’m not at my 100% but I’m getting there.
Over the past several months, I’ve thought a lot about inertia. When I was doing all of those incredible things - working full time, leading 3 ERG working groups, preparing to be a speaker at GHC, creating a weekly podcast, blogging, Instagramming, etc. etc. I was moving so fast that I didn’t even have the time to realize I was burnt out. Now that I have had the time to pause and reflect, I’m feeling it more difficult than ever to get going again.
If you’re feeling similarly burnt out and are struggling to find a way back here are a couple of things that I have found helpful without being overwhelming.
Doing something creates a habit and practice makes perfect. Sometimes I would feel that I wasn’t inspired to write. But the act of writing gets creativity going so sometimes I simply set a timer for 15 minutes to write. Anything. I’ve found that going through the motions can help reignite that spark.
Don’t return to life as it was. After all - as not Einstein but Rita Mae Brown said, “the definition of insanity is doing the same things over and over and expecting a different result”. Taking the time to return to the things that give me joy and fulfillment has been a total game changer.
Be kind. Be kind. Be kind. To yourself and to others who may be in a similar boat. I can’t stress this enough because it is surprisingly more difficult than it seems.
Make lots of lists. This may not work for everyone but I’m a big list person and I’ve spent a lot of time making different lists. Things I want to accomplish, things that make me happy, places I want to visit post-pandemic, and so on. I found it really helpful to also go back to old lists that I wrote and see all the things I’ve done. It can be a little sneak peek into a window in your life that will be incredibly rewarding to return to at a later date.
Find inspiration. I’ve found it really helpful to find people that I look up to as a reminder of what got me motivated to pursue things (like this blog). There’s something very inspiring about listening to why someone else is so motivated to continue with work they are passionate about. Find a podcast, Instagram influencer, blogger, or even fictional character that inspires you.
If you’re here because you’re feeling burnt out I hope some of this resonates with you and is helpful. Something I really feel like doesn’t get talked about enough is how long it truly takes to recover from burnout. Wherever you are at in your journey - please be kind to yourself and take as much time as you need.
And if you enjoyed reading this - you can subscribe to my monthly newsletter or follow me on Instagram, Twitter or Facebook for more on burnout and general tech/career content.
