A New Chapter: Quarantine Edition

I have some exciting news! After just over one year working full-time as a software engineer at a finance company in NYC I have taken the leap and accepted an offer from another team … during quarantine. I’m writing this on the eve of my transition reflecting on the full spectrum of emotions that I have felt over the last few weeks (culminating in intense overwhelming anxiety and imposter syndrome). I want to share this with you in the hopes that if you are in a similar position (or are considering a change) you should know that it is absolutely okay to be feeling this way.

I have known deep down that I was ready for a change beginning a few months ago. I learned so much from my first team and in my first role but I also sensed that my growth was starting to plateau. Since I loved my team and really liked knowing what my role was and how I was making a difference, I tried to work through these feelings. I realized that I was becoming really comfortable and that I was losing that sense of wonderment and to be honest, stress, which comes with learning new things and pushing yourself outside your comfort zone. This was my first sign that I needed to find ways to continue growing.

I discussed with my manager new responsibilities that I could take on and asked if there were any new projects (specifically coding heavy ones) that I could get involved with. Once I realized that my opportunities to grow technically were limited on my current team due to the new approach that the team was taking, I realized it may not be possible to find this new growth within my current role. Then, I got a call from a coworker I had worked with as an intern asking if I was interested in learning about roles on a new team within my company. The more I heard, the more I realized that this was my chance to really push myself and take a leap of faith. That was 4 weeks ago at the beginning of the social distancing efforts when none of us knew how long this would last. 

Even though the timing wasn’t ideal mid-pandemic, I realized that transitions rarely come at good times. So, I took the plunge and accepted the offer. In the weeks since then, I’ve gone through the full spectrum of emotions including regret, excitement, and now intense anxiety. 

It slowly started to dawn on me that this week would be the last week of waking up, logging in, and knowing exactly what to do and that uncertainty is terrifying. It feels like the world is in complete chaos but for me the only thing that has remained consistent is that I wake up every morning M-F, log in, and know exactly what my tasks and objectives are for the day. In my current role I know who to contact, which team member has the expertise needed, how to troubleshoot that bug, and what my deliverables are. None of that applies as I look to next week with no clue of whether I will even be given back-end, front-end, or product related tasks (I discussed all 3 in my interviews). 

This uncertainty is scary, but it is absolutely ok to be scared of the unknown. For me, I did not want that fear of the unknown to hold me back. Quarantine (even if it feels forever) will end, and at the end your career will go on. To help myself feel more in control, I reached out to my new team about two weeks before my start date to ask for a reading list that would help me gain some subject matter understanding and ease myself into the new environment. I strongly recommend doing this if you are in a position where you will be starting a new role. 

The imposter within me is convinced that my success on my current team was a fluke, that it was chance, and that there is no way that I can succeed on this new team that develops with different commit guidelines, different architectural standards, and a brand new tech stack. If you also feel this way, and this is holding you back from making a change or exploring other options, then I empower you to challenge your imposter syndrome. 

I decided to do some housekeeping ahead of my transition by way of cleaning up my desktop and downloads and organizing my inbox. In the process of doing so, I found my annual performance review, code commits, and emails from colleagues that all reflect in hard written evidence the recognition of contributions I made and what I delivered. Even though imposter syndrome is not logical, (I am the first to admit it) this exercise has helped remind me of what I am capable of and what I know I am capable of accomplishing. 

Transitions suck, and I don’t expect this to be a walk in the park especially given the circumstances. But, I am going to try to be kinder to myself if it takes me a little longer to ramp up on my new team and remind myself that everything will be ok. Career decisions are rarely permanent and if we all had foresight, we would never make a bad decision. So sometimes, it’s okay to count to three and take the plunge, even if you are in quarantine.